I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
