During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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