Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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