Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I won the penis lottery.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
