if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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