What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
