She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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