so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
