i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
