Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
