i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
