Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
