The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
