I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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