I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
