I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We have started to decorate penises.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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