Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't make out with my wife yet
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
