another moral hangover. fuck.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
