Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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