ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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