My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
