I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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