We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
