new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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