I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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