And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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