he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
