Just fell off a train. Bad.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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