Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
