then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
