Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
