She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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