then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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