the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
