who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
