Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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