It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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