i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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