the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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