I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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