This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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