If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
