new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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