4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
