considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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