My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
