I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So apparently I’m into choking now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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