Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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