yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
