Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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