Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
