she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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