I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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