I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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