i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize