Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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