Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
