ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
