yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
