I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
