My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
