The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
