you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
