So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
