just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
