I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
