I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
