dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
