What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
