No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
